we all have been scared from our past… well i definitely hv… & it’s always about my teeth and looks…
yeah you me see me now as confident, and don’t care shit bout what people gotta say… but honestly deep down I do…
like recently, i have been going to the gym and eating well… but when my sis-in-law came she look at me and asked “did you gain weight?” gosh i felt so depressed after that… ever since then i have been eating “clean” & super fucked up workout… yes i’m going back to singapore in jan & show that i’ve lost weight, like drastic change…
sometimes i try to hide it & pretend nothing is wrong… but every time i walk pass a mirror or look at myself in the mirror, i can’t help but stare at all the blobs.. people see me as normal healthy person but all i see is fats… *i’m ashamed to admit this but, it’s true, i don’t love myself* & all the crap i’ve been saying to love urself & stuff when i myself am not…
but i wasn’t always this way, i used to be happy until i was selected to go for this modelling thing (shall nt name the company)… (anyway this was years ago)
when i got there, what i saw was girls tall, stick thin & i i was the biggest of them all, i can see them scrutinizing me from every angle.. it was so depressing & eventually i quit… i can’t stand the look on their faces & after every session, i’ll just cry in my room… & since then my mission was to just lose weight…
IT’S DEPRESSING YET TRUE!!!
Anyway i’m thinking of shutting down my tumblr… (no!! don’t panic, just a thought)..
cos i just hv so many thing going on in my life now… yes i do love to express my emotions and complain about the most silliest thing… well who doesn’t?
i love hearing your stories bout your marathons, race, tri, your workout, your fights, your plans and pouring your hearts out to me, asking me for advice, etc… i appreciate that.. you guys got me inspired too… you guys made me go up and face my fear… so thank u!!! xoxo i will make my decision when exam is over…
& yes i am planning to join a mini triathlon..ahha haha yes the secret is out…BUT not sure when… perhaps next year or in 5yrs? who knows… … well some of you asked me why i’ve been training so hard and going on strict diets & i hvn’t really answer your questions.. haha & so now i’m telling everyone….. BUT don’t get too excited and start bombarding me with emails… i’m still hving difficulty over-coming my fear but i’m not giving up that easily… =)
anyway will keep you guys posted… & to those who I’ve hurt please forgive me.. I still love you guys… keep SMILING!!!
xoxo!!!
WOW!!!!! i like!!!!
ouh and yeah a friend of mine shared this video with me earlier… you guys gotta watch his move… it’s true when he says “float like a butterfly, sting like a bee”…
oh gosh not anymore… i had a few cups of coffee today and V… i’m super hyper now but my mind is telling me to go to bed… hahah
cheers!!!
Well today has been pretty insane… i had 3h of sleep… couldn’t sleep well either, cos my stats report is just haunting me… so i got up and try to finish as much as i can before hving to go to sch and meet up with my team members.
i didn’t hv time for brekkie or lunch.. =(
but i had tons of coffee and energy drink… yes2 it’s bad.. but i don’t hv a choice… it’s the stress period.. assignments due and exams just ard the corner…and at the moment i can’t walk much, due to an injury.. OUCH!!!
well i guess i deserve it… hmmm… well that put me off my gym routine… was just about to test something out… oh well, once i’m better i guess… anyway hv fun Val & good luck for your comp… train well!!! hugzzz!!! won’t be seeing you for awhile now..
oh yeah and that reminds me… i gotta freeze my membership for a couple of wks..
cheers!!
xoxo
i just shared a pic.. on animal cruelty…
I can’t believe anyone would do such a thing to kittens… do didn’t try to kill you or cause harm, why so cruel…
it hurts so much to see innocent animals being abused/ killed/ etc… I WISH THIS PEOPLE WOULD DIE!!! WAY WORST THAN WHAT THEY DID TO THOSE ANIMALS…
no love for this people.. i’ll just give you this.. a middle finger!!! IN UR FACE BITCH!!
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